– WE HAVE BEEN SELECTED –
If you’re reading this, you’ve probably heard of Bad Idea — the unruly and experimental comic book publisher that was just weeks away from releasing its first title earlier this year until…we were contacted by something we can neither rationally explain nor fully understand.
It calls itself “The Button.”
For months, fans have been clamoring to know when Bad Idea will release its first comic. The answer is simple: We can’t…because, seemingly overnight, The Button has assumed control of every facet of Bad Idea — commandeering everything from our publishing plan to our generous suite of employee perks. (“Ping-Pong Fridays,” RIP.) But, most startlingly of all, it will not let Bad Idea begin its launch until it has collected what it wants — what it demands — from all of us:
One billion clicks. 1,000,000,000,000. That’s billion with a “b,” friend.
At first, we started clicking ourselves. Then, our families, our neighbors, our pool boys, our paleo culinary consultants. Then, our writers, our artists, and on and on and on. But it wasn’t enough.
Yes, friends — its magnitude The Button demands to be clicked, and it knows to whom it must now extend its burdensome grace: YOU. It has seen you. It has judged you. And it still likes you anyway.
To achieve its purpose, The Button has guided our hands in shaping ServeTheButton.com — something new that we’re calling a “website,” to coin a phrase (hope it sticks) — where its spectacular totality will receive your clicks, every second of every hour of every day, until it has sated its inestimable void. It also is a lot of fun to play with and looks pretty cool, if we’re being honest about it:
Bask, nay tremble, before the grandeur of The Button’s colossal titanicness. Pretty impressive, huh?
So, starting this second, here’s what you need to do:
1) Don’t go home, there is no time. 2) Click it and don’t stop, no matter what anyone tells you — especially us. 3) Follow Bad Idea on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram to hear The Button speak and earn its favor. From time to time, The Button may issue new challenges, demand offerings, or reveal its manyfold enigmas. Make sure you are listening when it does. 4) Accept it. The Button is running the show now, and there’s no going back, jack. Steel yourself for the months of The Button’s domination that yet await.
We can only speculate as to The Button’s true origin and motives, and we know neither how nor why it seeks this outcome. All we can say for certain is that we must comply to bring Bad Idea to comic shops as we’ve all long hoped, dreamed, and aspired…or face the grave consequences of cosmic imbalance.
What is the truer purpose: to push or to be pushed? This is the wisdom The Button yokes from those who attend it. It is the mystery of revelation, the intention of design, the servitude of purpose. Also, America’s new favorite pastime. Click it! CLICK IT!
ONE BILLION CLICKS AND BAD IDEA BEGINS!
ONE BILLION CLICKS AND BAD IDEA BEGINS!
GO GO GO! DON’T STOP CLICKING! IT’S FUN! NEVER STOP CLICKING! NEVER —
– WHAT HAPPENS NEXT…? –
Not gonna lie, it’s probably going to get pretty intense from here on out, so get those game faces on.
We’ll say it again: Earn The Button’s favor by following Bad Idea on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram. When The Button speaks, pay tribute to its magnitude, perform its challenges, and receive its gifts — those who do will be richly rewarded.
The Button will issue its first edict today at 12 noon ET/9 am PT. So it has been foretold.
In the meantime, surrender your email address to The Button’s will, so you don’t miss a single milestone on the march to one billion clicks.
But don’t forget to click. Whatever you do, never forget to click. We’re counting on you.
– APOCRYPHA –
Its magnitude The Button knows all. That means everything. Including that.
Recognize the circle inside yourself. Follow it all the way around. Then around again.
The Button contains multitudes and will also be formally recognized as The One Above All, Magic Mike XXL, and the Owner-Proprietor of Big Cheese LLC, in addition to a number of other quasi-legal, but mostly spiritual, aliases and sobriquets.
Keep telling yourself it’s just a button. Trust us, we tried that.
Learn to recognize fellow Attendants of The Button. You may already know one. Perhaps several. They may be closer than you think.
You’re kidding yourself if you thought Joker was any good, you fucking nerd.
The Button gets pretty crabby on Mondays, so let’s try to keep it upbeat, okay?
Bad idea does not endorse the views of The Button or followers of the Remunerated Sect of Buttonology.
If the Button commands it, you better get on that.
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